Brought to you by Molly Roberts Studio and Metaphysical, 253 E Broadway, downtown Excelsior Springs
This week has it all: candle-making, karaoke, mental health, wine, Chiefs football, and just enough exercise to pretend we’re balanced humans. Let’s see what the stars—and the community calendar—have in store for you.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Aries, your week starts at Team 5k Running Group, where you sprint past toddlers like it’s an Olympic qualifier. Later, show your softer side at the Support Group for Mental Health—because even superheroes need therapy. End the week by smashing at Rage Cave, which is basically cardio with furniture.
Cosmic Tip: At the Chiefs Watch Party, yell so loudly that Mahomes feels it.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Taurus, your destiny is food and vibes. Start with Christopher Elbow Chocolate and Wine Pairing (two things you believe should replace all food groups), then strut into Happy Hour at The Candle Bar like the human version of “fine wine.” End your week at the Harvest Party—grape stomping counts as farming, right?
Cosmic Tip: At Community Decorating Class: Chiefs Theme, don’t bedazzle the helmets. Or do.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Your calendar looks like chaos, Gemini, but somehow you thrive. Werq Fitness? Check. Hall of Writers? Check. Burlesque Class? Obviously. You’ll wrap it all up by telling wildly different stories about yourself at Open Mic Night—and they’ll all be true… technically.
Cosmic Tip: At 2-for-1 Tasting + Music Bingo, play both cards. You are two people.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Cancer, your emotional week begins at Parents as Teachers Playdates, where you’ll cry because babies are cute and resilient. Recharge at Pumpkin Candle Class (your house will now smell like a latte until Christmas), and then really let loose at Lyrics on the Lawn—yes, you will sway dramatically.
Cosmic Tip: Your comfort zone is basically a quilt, so naturally, go to String of Pearls Workshop.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Leo, the spotlight is calling. You’ll shine at Burlesque Class (no, more sequins), steal the show at Swing Class, and belt like a rock star at Mid-Day Mic. The week ends with you center stage at Practice Party—because rehearsals are basically just a Leo’s warm-up for applause.
Cosmic Tip: At Happy Hour at The Candle Bar, request a spotlight.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Virgo, you’ve got three meetings this week (Hospital Board, Planning & Zoning, Redevelopment Corp) and you’re still not satisfied. But hey, at least you can unwind with precision at Casa Di Vite Chess Club. Don’t forget to strategize your sips at the Trolley Wine Tour—yes, you have a tasting notebook.
Cosmic Tip: At the Pumpkin Candle Class, you’ll be the one carving perfect jack-o-lantern symmetry into wax.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Libra, your week is all about balancing chaos and charm. Kids Art Workshop by day, Burlesque Class by night. Chair Fitness on Friday, Smashing Opportunities at Rage Cave immediately after—because balance, darling.
Cosmic Tip: At Community Share Day, you’ll bring three casseroles and leave with four lamps.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Scorpio, your aura this week is “brooding with jazz hands.” You’ll sip mysteriously at Wine Pairings, dominate Chess Club with a menacing grin, and brood so hard at Harvest Party people will wonder if you own the vineyard.
Cosmic Tip: At Open Mic Night, recite your grocery list with the intensity of a Shakespearean tragedy.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Sagittarius, your spirit is running wild: sprinting at Team 5k, spinning at WERQ Fitness, stomping grapes at Harvest Party, and clinking glasses at Happy Hour—all before Saturday brunch. Your week is basically one long training montage for a rom-com you forgot you were starring in.
Cosmic Tip: At the Chiefs Watch Party, you’re not watching—you’re auditioning for hype man.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Cap, your week is packed with responsibilities: Hospital Board, Community Center Board, PTO…you’ve basically won local government bingo. Balance it out with Drum Fit, where you’ll turn banging on a ball into an Olympic-level workout. End the week at Rumba Class, where you’ll still somehow take attendance.
Cosmic Tip: At Rage Cave, you’ll break glass alphabetically.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Aquarius, you’re unpredictable in the best way. One minute you’re in Burlesque Class, the next you’re at Mom’s Mini Session trying to pose like a visionary. You’ll finish the week at Lyrics on the Lawn, where you’ll loudly declare that the band’s sound is “post-modern Americana fusion.”
Cosmic Tip: At Magical Tub Session, resist the urge to announce you invented water.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Pisces, your week is full of feelings. You’ll weep at Hall of Writers, splash joyfully at Home School Swim, and then ascend into full emotional enlightenment during Magical Tub Session. By Sunday, you’re slow dancing at Rumba Class like you’re in a Nicholas Sparks movie.
Cosmic Tip: Crying at Live Music with Frank Rardon is not only allowed, it’s expected.
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