Excelsior Springs Weekly Horoscopes

Brought to you by Molly Roberts Studio and Metaphysical, 253 E Broadway, downtown Excelsior Springs

The leaves are turning, the air is crisp, and the town is absolutely booked. The stars say: stretch before that 5k, sip before that meeting, and maybe, just maybe, don’t sing to the City Council.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You’ll kick off the week at the Team 5k Running Group, pretending it’s about fitness but really scouting who’s wearing the newest running shoes. By Friday, you’ll have traded running for rage at Smashing Opportunities—a healthy emotional arc, really.

Cosmic Tip: At City Council, try not to shout “I move we adjourn!” after two minutes.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Taurus, this week’s a buffet of indulgence: Lobster Truck, Wine Tasting, and Happy Hour at The Candle Bar. The stars are calling this “self-care.” Your wallet calls it “crying.”

Cosmic Tip: Treat yourself to the String of Pearls Workshop—it’s your chance to prove crafts can, in fact, be sensual.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Your week will bounce between Open Mic Night and Historic Preservation Commission like you’re trying to save history and bomb onstage. By the weekend, you’ll somehow end up singing sea shanties at the Tat 2 You Car Show.

Cosmic Tip: At Big Brothers Big Sisters Dinner, don’t try to adopt everyone. Just one!

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Cancer, your emotional journey starts with Making Peace at Selah and ends with you sobbing over a lobster roll at Tractor Supply. The stars say you’re not broken, just “a work in nostalgic progress.”

Cosmic Tip: Energy Healing with Jordan might help—if you can stop oversharing about your childhood during Reiki.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Leo, City Council has nothing on your flair for drama. Make an entrance. Bring props. Clap when the meeting ends. Then, reward your civic duty with Happy Hour at The Candle Bar, because nothing says “engaged citizen” like glitter and wine fumes.

Cosmic Tip: Your karaoke skills are wasted—sign up for Open Mic Night and terrify the regulars.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Virgo, your planner is bursting: Hospital meetings, yoga, lobster, book groups, and somehow you still fit in BYOC Crafting Day because you’re the town’s overachiever. Everyone else is tired for you.

Cosmic Tip: At Fall on the Farm, resist reorganizing the hay bales “for efficiency.”

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Libra, this week you’ll balance Free Senior Fitness Classes with Wine Tours, calling it “work-life equilibrium.” No one’s fooled. You’re drunk and limber, and that’s the best version of you.

Cosmic Tip: Casa Di Vite Chess Club isn’t speed dating, no matter how you try to make it one.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Scorpio, your aura is mysterious, your gaze intense, and your week? Chaotic. Between Burlesque, Energy Healing, and Prayer Vigils, you’re the spiritual onion no one can quite peel.

Cosmic Tip: At Smashing Opportunities, channel your feelings, not your ex’s car model.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

You’re everywhere this week—Farmers Market, RC Boats BBQ, and possibly lost in the Wine Cave. You’re calling it “adventure,” everyone else calls it “day drinking.”

Cosmic Tip: Opal Wapoo Remastered is your vibe: confusing, sweaty, and somehow still inspiring.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Capricorn, you’re all business: City Council, Redevelopment Meetings, Estate Planning, and Hospital Boards. You’re not just running Excelsior—you are Excelsior. Take a break before you start invoicing the town for your time.

Cosmic Tip: “Relaxation” is spelled W-I-N-E T-O-U-R.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Aquarius, you’re the wildcard of this town. You’ll meditate at Selah, write at Hall of Writers, and then show up to Tat 2 You’s Car Show dressed like a sentient poem. No one knows what to do with you, and that’s exactly how you like it.

Cosmic Tip: At Kairos Prayer Vigil, don’t bring crystals. Just vibes.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Pisces, between Toddler Swim, Unwind Yoga, and Kairos Walking in Love, you’re basically floating through this week on a wave of feelings and faint sandalwood. Just don’t drown in your own empathy.

Cosmic Tip: Wine Garden with Frank Rardon? Perfect spot for your next “accidental emotional breakthrough.”