Excelsior Springs Weekly Horoscopes

Brought to you by Molly Roberts Studio and Metaphysical, 253 E Broadway, downtown Excelsior Springs

For this week in Excelsior Springs — full of local happenings, laugh-out-loud predictions, and a dash of spooky sass. Whether you’re running 5Ks or sipping wine with witches, the stars are watching (and chuckling).

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You’re ready to run — from responsibility, commitment, or just with the Team 5k Running Group at ESCC. Either way, your sneakers are getting action. Recharge that fire at Rage Cave, because nothing says “zen” like smashing things in a safe, adult-approved setting.

🔥 Power Move: Show up at City Council and give an unsolicited TED Talk during public comments. Bold of you. On brand.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You, at a Four-Course Wine Dinner? Absolutely. You, pretending to be chill at Unwind and Recharge Yoga for Women after three courses? Less convincing. Still, you’re living your best bougie autumn life.

🍷 Treat Yourself: Hit Truman Reserve Whiskey Tasting and ask deep, philosophical questions like “Does this pair with bacon?”

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Social butterfly or chaotic butterfly? Who cares — you’re everywhere this week. From Open Mic Night at The Atlas Saloon (tell jokes you wrote 5 minutes before) to Miss Ramsey’s Little Artists Club (where glitter is currency), you’re thriving.

🎤 Double Trouble Tip: Bring a toddler to Toddler Swim AND Parents as Teachers Playdates — pretend they’re yours if they’re cute.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Soft, sweet, and emotionally exhausted? It’s your time to shine! You’ll feel seen at the Making Peace Book Study, loved at Widowed Wednesday Lunch, and a little overwhelmed at Trunk or Treat and a Movie in Wood Heights.

🦀 Self-Care Alert: Float your feelings away at Home School Swim (no one will know you’re crying if your face is underwater).

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Ready to show off? Good. Hit Chamber Brew and View and loudly declare your opinions about local politics over a latte. Then, dress like you’re going to the Grammys and strut into Monster Ball at The Elms like you’re the crowned monarch of spooky chic.

👑 Big Leo Energy: Don’t just attend the Trolley Wine Tour — narrate it like it’s your reality show.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You’re doing that thing again where you try to organize everyone’s fun. Relax, Virgo. You don’t have to alphabetize the Halloween Extravaganza. Instead, channel that energy into BYOC Crafting Day at Knit Ewe Together where everything will be labeled, and it’s glorious.

📋 Productivity Tip: Attend ES Aging Well just to give unsolicited feedback on the event flow.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Aesthetics and vibes only, Libra. You’re twirling through Sip, Savor, and Sparkle at ES Golf Course like a wine fairy. You’ll absolutely love the Happy Hour at The Candle Bar—it’s giving ambiance, darling.

⚖️ Balance Boost: End the week with Energy Healing at Solana. Recalibrate your chakras — or at least your group chat energy.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

It’s your season and you are thriving. Lean into the drama with Live Music with Double Jointed at Shamrock Hills (intense name, very you). Attend Casa Di Vite Chess Club and intimidate everyone with your cold, calculating moves — on the board and in life.

🦂 Mystery Mood: “Witch Way to the Wine” is your new autobiography.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Adventure? Yes. Mischief? Always. You’ll find both at the Halloween “Not So Haunted Hallway” (where you’ll probably still scream). The Klutch Golf Fundraiser is a great excuse to wear polos and hit things with sticks — it counts as exercise.

🏹 Sag Pro Tip: Go to the Excellent Auction at Mac’s Auction and dramatically outbid someone just to feel something.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

You’re usually busy building empires, but this week, take a break at the Silver Move & Stretch class. That hamstring’s not gonna loosen itself. Then, head to Nibbles and Nonsense at Infinitea Magik for snacks and maybe a little side quest into the supernatural.

📈 Boss Vibes: Volunteer at Parents as Teachers Playdates — not because you like kids, but because you’re trying to get your resume into cosmic alignment.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Quirky and a little spooky, Aquarius, you’re living your Halloween fantasy. Attend Witch Way to the Wine and cast spells (or at least curse your ex) between sips. Recharge that otherworldly aura with Movement & Mindfulness Yoga and a dash of Energy Healing.

👽 Galactic Guidance: Surprise everyone by dominating Drum Fit at ESCC — yes, it’s cardio, and yes, it’s aggressively fun.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Dreamy as ever, Pisces, you’ll be vibing your way through Miss Ramsey’s Little Artists Club and trying not to adopt someone’s child. Your gentle heart will melt at the Harvest Celebration, but try not to cry during the pie judging. Again.

🐟 Daydream Destination: Chill out at the Free Senior Fitness Class — yes, they’ll think you’re too young. Yes, you’ll still love every minute.