The Important Role of a Neighbor Mom

Written by Laura Mize, City of Excelsior Springs Neighborhoods

Recently, I attended a virtual workshop featuring an author who touted herself as an introvert. The title of her book was, “Here Goes Nothing, An Introvert’s Reckless Attempt at Loving Her Neighbor.” During the interview, she mentioned that she kept extra bikes in the garage for neighbor kids. She lives in kind of a rough neighborhood and some of the kids don’t have bikes. She kind of said this in passing, but I think her presence in her neighborhood is critical, and what she does by offering supervision to the neighbor kids is sacred work. It made me think about how my mom had done this same thing, and how I had provided a safe place for neighbor kids to play in our yard as my kids were growing up. I think the presence of Good Neighbor Moms help determine whether a neighborhood, and the kids who live there, will thrive.

I was super blessed to grow up in the suburbs in the 1970s. On top of that, my house was in a cul-de-sac, which was perfect for biking, roller skating, playing two-square, kickball, Duke’s of Hazard, Star Wars, etc. Nearly every house around me had kids. Our cul-de-sac neighbors included an elderly childless couple who doted on the kids who lived around the cul-de-sac and across the street. She was grandmotherly and sat in her lawn chair on the front porch, decked out in her apron, snapping beans that she had grown in her garden and tossing them into a colander. He was a carpenter and fisherman, who would clean fish that he caught on a board outside for us kids to watch in interest and disgust. They often sat together in their lawn chairs watching us play in the cul-de-sac, laughing at our antics.

As I remember it, my house was the most popular one to play at. My mom was brilliant at keeping kids busy. An avid garage saler, she had amassed quite a collection of indoor and outdoor toys, games, and sports equipment. I don’t remember ever having trouble finding something to do. We had a finished basement that offered a great place to play. In summer, she connected a sprinkler to the hose and turned it on for us to play in; then she brought out cheap popsicles. She made gallons of Kool-Aid in every flavor obtainable. It was an era where kids would go out to play in the morning and not come in until dinner. We migrated from one yard to the next as our games and play evolved throughout the day. Afternoon cartoons may possibly lure us indoors, but not all the time.

It was understood that whichever yard or house we were in, that mom was in charge. Often, she had to be referee. Often, she brought out cookies or snacks. Sometimes, she had to be prepared for her kids to invite several other kids over for dinner.

As I reflect on all this, it strikes me what an important role Neighbor Moms play in child development. When we weren’t under our own roof or in our own yard, we were secure in the knowledge that the nearest mom had our backs, and would offer us her bathroom, Kool-Aid, and a band-aid when needed. Neighbor Moms offered guidance as they resolved squabbles, and shared words of wisdom when someone said something careless or hurtful.

My mother had had an interesting life before I was born and had been a teacher and then got her nursing degree. She was well equipped to handle most everything kids need. She was exceptional at teaching us how to read and even created her own readers out of spiral notebooks. One mom must have mentioned to her that one of the kids needed a little help with reading. I noticed that whenever that kid came over, mom would invite her onto her lap to practice through the homemade reader.

My mom understood that incentives encourage kids to try hard things. She believed in the benefit of puzzles and kept LOTS of puzzles around. If anyone finished a puzzle, they got to pull out a prize from her prize box. Where she got this stuff, I don’t remember, but it was the cheapest plastic stuff, kind of like toys from Cracker Jack or cereal boxes. It worked. Kids learned patience and perseverance and eventually learned out to think about a puzzle. All this just so they could get a cheap prize. We had competitions on who could do a headstand the longest, and the winner got a quarter! My mom was quick to offer to play board games with us. She particularly liked Yahtzee because it helped with math skills.

Mom wasn’t perfect. She lost her temper with our bickering and sent everyone home more than once. But, overall, what I remember was that she created an environment that was good for child development. She, and the other Neighbor Moms seemed to do this instinctively. That whole part of the street was an environment where we could thrive because of the presence of all these Neighbor Moms.

One night, a young neighbor mom came to our door with her baby in her arms. She apparently knew my mom was a nurse, or at least knew that she was experienced and could help. She asked for help taking her baby’s temperature. My mom brought out the necessary tools, gave them to her, and talked her through it. I stood at the top of the stairs feeling proud that my mom knew how to do these things, not only how to take a baby’s temperature, but how to teach someone else how to do it. (This was way before forehead thermometers. Let’s just say that taking a temperature was much more complicated back then.)

I’m thankful that I had this foundation. When I became a mom, I did my best to do these things, even down to the reader made out of a spiral notebook. I was blessed to be surrounded by other good Neighbor Moms, too, where my kids found refuge when they had had enough of me.

I guess the point of all this is that I just want to encourage moms to be good Neighbor Moms. It is an extremely valuable and sacred thing. Good Neighbor Moms can make neighborhoods pleasant, safe environments where kids can thrive. Introduce yourself to the families around you. Convey through word and deed that you are safe and caring and trustworthy. Be outside as much as possible. Kids are naturally going to be outside. Your presence will be welcome, if you don’t meddle too much. Let them come up with their own games and work out their problems as much as possible. Turn on the sprinkler and bring out the cheap popsicles!

Maybe this needs to be a movement, the Good Neighbor Mom movement. With our caring presence, we can make our neighborhood a haven where children can play and grow.