Facebook Outage Makes Local Impact in Surprising Ways

This article is complete satire. There is no shred of truth to any of it. Well, maybe a little…

Today’s Facebook outage left the community of Excelsior Springs without the ability to connect easily. In just the six hours that the platform was down, there were a number of things happening around town that would normally be unheard of.

First, children of lost pets suddenly broke out the crayons and mom’s typing paper to draw their beloved missing animal. Telephone poles are now littered with reports of both Fluffy and Spike being gone.

Some teens that rely on social media memes to communicate found themselves doing stand up comedy routines on the streets downtown. Lucky for them, they were picked up by talent agents that happened to be staying at The Elms Hotel!

There were a number of residents looking for home services, such as plumbing, electrical, and insurance. They had to take to calling the the people from the magnets on their fridge that have been there for years.

One lady got upset when her food order was messed up at a local restaurant. Due to Facebook being down and unable to vent about it, she actually asked to speak to the manager. The manager not only refunded her money, she offered her a job, and when the lady accepted, the manager promptly quit!

When unable to alert changes for this evening’s Boy Scouts meeting, troop leaders took to using smoke signals to communicate. They said they were grateful that the Scouts had just earned their badge in smoke signals just two weeks prior.

One woman found herself stuck on the elevator at the Hall of Waters and was only found when she was able to tweet out her situation.

And last but not least, in what appears to be a three hour window that was given by QuikTrip, the City of Excelsior Springs missed a Facebook message, which would have brought a QT to our community. Due to the inability to respond, the City is likely to never get one.