Excelsior Springs Weekly Horoscopes

Brought to you by Molly Roberts Studio and Metaphysical, 253 E Broadway, downtown Excelsior Springs

Even if the snow traps us indoors, Excelsior Springs still has enough events to keep us busy. Wear layers. Drink cocoa. Avoid glitter ingestion.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You’ll begin the week at Team 5k Running Group, pretending you don’t see the incoming snowstorm. Later, you’ll burst into the Hall of Trees like the festive tornado you are.

Cosmic Tip: If you challenge Santa to a footrace after Breakfast with Santa, you will lose. He’s deceptively fast.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You’re at Toddler Swim, thinking, “Why am I wet in December?” Good question, Taurus. Later, the Featured Wine Selection will explain everything.

Cosmic Tip: Stock up at the ES Farmers Christmas Market — you’ll need snacks for being snowed in.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Your social side is thriving — Open Mic Night, Karaoke Night, Drum Circle… you’re basically the holiday entertainment circuit.

Cosmic Tip: At Casa Di Vite Chess Club, try not to make dramatic sound effects for every move.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

You’ll cry at the Hall of Trees three separate times this week because “the lights are just so sparkly.”

Cosmic Tip: The Christmas in Excelsior Springs Workshop might actually heal your seasonal meltdown.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You’ll treat the VRP Kickoff at Warbird Whiskey like your red-carpet moment. There will be posing. There will be dramatic coat flips.

Cosmic Tip: If you attend Karaoke Night, give the people what they want — a show.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You’ll stop by Making Peace at Selah… and immediately reorganize their handouts. Then Cornerstone PTO will test your patience when everyone else shows up without an agenda.

Cosmic Tip: Take out your holiday perfectionism at BYOC Crafting Day. Glue guns fear you.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

You can’t choose between Slay and Namaste, Happy Hour at The Candle Bar, and Movement + Mindful Yoga, so you’ll attend all three and achieve… absolutely no balance.

Cosmic Tip: When the snowstorm hits, the fairy lights at Hall of Trees will be your personality.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Honestly, Energy Healing with Jordan might be the only thing keeping you from biting someone’s head off this week.

Cosmic Tip: At Smashing Opportunities at Rage Cave, remember: the plates are for breaking, not people.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

You’re a holiday thrill-seeker — the Candy Cane Hunt will awaken your competitive spirit in a way that frightens children.

Cosmic Tip: Snowstorm or not, you’ll absolutely drag your friends to Excelsior Springs Christmas Market for “seasonal vibes.”

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

You’ll take Slay and Namaste energy right into the Hall of Trees, mentally reorganizing every display.

Cosmic Tip: Allow yourself joy at Breakfast with Santa. You don’t need to project-manage the syrup.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Your week includes Mid-Week Recharge Yoga, Drum Circle, Energy Healing, and a pop-up coffee shop. Congratulations — you’ve become an aesthetic winter Pinterest board.

Cosmic Tip: The snowstorm is an excellent excuse to ignore texts.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

You’ll be moved to tears at Miss Ramsey’s Little Artists Club, again at Hall of Trees, and one more time when The Grinch is Coming (because honestly, you relate to him spiritually).

Cosmic Tip: Express yourself through glitter at Lane of Lights… or cry into it. Either works.